Tundra
by Ek01
Summary: (This is an original story, just an FYI) The epic quest of two unlikely friends to right a wrong in a landscape full of anthropomorphic animals.
1. Arctic Tribe

The Arctic. A seemingly uninhabitable frozen wasteland, containing nothing but countless

amounts of snow and ice.

But here, in this savage, cold landscape, there is life.

Anthropomorphic animals, that are capable of surviving better than humans (come to think of it, they have all died out). More specifically;

the Polar Bear tribe. This Tribe, was

perhaps the strongest out of all

these tribes of mammals living in

the Arctic, for their incredibly buff warriors constantly trained to kill at at costs; weapon or no.

They are nomads;

going wherever the

wind beckons.

They will require only the natural resources the land gives them; ice to melt into drinkable water, endless salmon, spruce wood to build their villages, crystals to make into headdresses or beads, metals to work into either armor or weaponry.

Sometimes when the weather takes a turn for the worst, these Bears

will even shave their own fur to use

as blankets. They are a very resourceful group, and simply exist to survive...and fight a ton of battles.

Yes, battle is a major part of their

culture.

There were hundreds of bear

warlords in those days; but the most fearsome, unmerciful, most

savage heathen bear in all the tribe...was Morð. He also

happened to be the ruler of their humble tribe.

Morð, was an incredibly beefy polar bear, and wore pure gold armor and gauntlets just to signify his position.

His weapon; was a sword made of steel, and it was carved with words in the ancient Bærlïc language Such a fine specimen of mammal made all the females swoon every time he killed someone, and every time he flexed his muscles, a random female always fainted.

So regal, so strong, so smokin' hot...he was the most feared...Until he met HER.


	2. Concerning Nädya

One day, while Morð was kicking

the butt of the hero of the Caribou Clan, something incredibly beautiful caught his great, big yellow eye. She wore a dress of caribou fur and sapphires, and she had extremely white fur and gorgeous blue eyes.

Her name was Nädya. Now, Nädya, also knew a thing or two about fighting. This was because she was the most dignified female, and she disliked bears who only wanted to marry a female just to use her as a sex toy (if so, Nädya would simply give that sexist male a swift kick to the groin).

One day, he proposed to her on a lone iceberg far from the village.

She said yes, and they were married the next morning. In five moons, Nädya went into labor. The family would have their first cub!

"ON BEHALF OF MY INEVITABLE SON," Declared Morð, "I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST DURING THE BATTLE AT TWELVE TODAY!!"

All the Bears cheered an ecstatic "YEEEEEAAAHHHH!" as they awaited Nädya to come out of the birthing area with the spawn. Everyone had hoped the child would be a boy, for in the Tribe, the

inhabitants believed that male polar bears, are what has made them survive for thousands of years. Females, are only used as concubines, princesses and

Ladies, and had no other position in the Tribe whatsoever.

Suddenly, Kari, a female prisoner-of-war caribou nurse emerged from the birthing area, and whispered something that made the blood run cold in the veins of Morð. He gave a loud gasp, causing the others to

whisper things about him.


	3. ”ITS A WHAAAAT?”

"KARI, YOU'VE GOTTA LET ME IN!!!" Morð demanded.

"Well, okay...being since you are the

father, and she's already given birth to it." She glanced at him, and beckoned the mighty carnivore with a hoof. "Follow me, sir."

Morð obeyed. He and the caribou waltzed to the room where Nädya lay.

"And please..." Said Kari. "Do stop that fidgeting, it's not right for a strong, grown predator like yourself." She lectured him as though he were but a cub.

Morð blushed, for she was correct--he had been fidgeting slightly.

"Come in, darling..." Said the beautiful voice of his wife.

Morð entered the room. There, on a bed of furs, was Nädya. 'Thank goodness', he thought. 'Nothing I should worry over.'

Morð looked again, and, within Nädya's paws, sat two little bundles of fur. They looked at him, and he saw they were his children! One of them, a boy, had his father's brown eyes, and a birthmark that resembled a salmon. Therefore, they named him Chinook.

The other child...Morð somewhat disliked, for it was a GIRL. But she was very beautiful; she had her mother's eyes and fur.

The couple had a difficult time

naming their girl, until Morð spoke up and said; "How about Furcsa?"

"No!" Exclaimed Nädya, cradling the cub.

"Our child is not strange! We shall name her Mikill."

"Alright..." Said Morð, reluctantly "Mikill it is."

Later in life, Morð attempted to

expose Mikill to a girly, "ladylike" lifestyle, however she rebelled and he found her killing lemmings with Chinook, rather than learning how to be a princess.

"This is gonna be harder than I thought." Said Morð to Nädya one day.

"Why must you do this?!!" Exclaimed his wife.

"Because she's a LADY." He replied, sternly.

"She will never be a warrior, and everyone else has mocked me because that is my spawn. A helpless, useless offspring that thinks she's a heathen and not something of blue blood."

Nädya was not pleased by her husband's sexist opinion.

"...Morð...I married you, because I didn't think you'd be like all the other males, only liking women for looks and sex usage rather than intellect and strength. If you think you can use this principle on our daughter, I may have to re-consider."

Then, she went to her sleeping quarters, leaving a puzzled and shocked Morð.


	4. Lai of the Reindeer Clan

Unfortunately, in the culture of the polar bear, there is also a rather sad part...slavery.

You see, ever since the Great-Ancestor of Morð won the battle between the Reindeer Tribe; an

awful law was made. That law, was that every year, the tribe would send a male and female reindeer each to work in the tribe as permanent slaves. If there were few

slaves, the Polar Bear tribe would pick a mate for a female of the slave group, and they would have sex and conceive brood after brood of more and more slaves.

These slaves were used for many things, carrying heavy loads, plowing crops to fatten other slaves

for meat, or to be ridden on, primarily by Morð and his army, whenever war broke out or there was a slight feud.

The Bears would beat these poor herbivores, and even cook them over a fire, if the slaves didn't perform their duties correctly.

It was a horrid sight, that had lasted for eons. The daughter of Morð, Mikill didn't know of this tragedy, until one day...

Mikill was doing a perimeter check with her father, so as for him to show her the people she was to rule over. As they were nearing a Slave-

Trading area, Mikill saw something she disliked...

"Uh...Dad, do you mind if I go over there for a bit?" She asked Morð.

"Certainly." Responded Morð. "But be back soon."

What Mikill saw would've made the most toughest bear cringe.

"...DO NOT TOUCH ME, YOU SAVAGES!!!"

A remarkably skinny she-reindeer, delicate, lithe, horns partially spiraling, was being tormented by a couple of Morð's self-proclaimed "friends."

"SAVAGES?!"

Laughed one of them, menacingly. "LOOK WHO'S TALKIN', MISS SKINNY, HERE!!!"

"I could take you brutes if I wanted

to!"

"Oooooohhhhhh..." Exclaimed the bears, sarcastically. "A dumb snow pony is gonna kill us!"

That honestly did it for the reindeer. She raised her hooves, signaling to fight.

"COME AT ME, AND WE WILL SEE

WHO IS THIS "SNOW PONY"

AFTER IM THROUGH WITH

YOU!"

The Bears snickered, but went to fight her as well. She bucked a few

of them in the face a couple of times, and put her horns in their eyes, until the snow on which

this deer fought was blood-stained, and she stood, victorious in a pile of unconscious bears...

...but she was also tied

to a pole.

"STUPID BEARS AND--(pant, pant)...THEIR STUPID METHODS OF TRAPPING!!"

As the reindeer struggled, Mikill simply raised a claw, and removed

her restraint.

"What th...you...you took it off..." The reindeer doe started.

"Of course." Mikill stood up, proudly. "I am Princess Mikill, of the Polar Bear tribe."

"...You mean to tell me; you're one of those dumb lookin', half-witted, savage, primitive idiots that love capturing my people?!"

With those comments, Mikill's proud stature faded into a grimace of humiliation.

"No! I am a polar bear, the mightiest of all creatures, you smart-aleck

weakling!" She stated.

The reindeer bucked her in the face, knocking out a tooth.

"How bout now, prissy? You still think you're the mightiest?"

The reindeer hopped away, leaving Mikill very P.O'ed.

"HOW DARE YOU MAKE FUN OF ME, YOU SLAVE...er...WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS!!!!"

The reindeer stopped. "Name's Lai. Oh, and by the way; because you freed me, you are no bear."

Lai continued to dash into the forest, leaving a very hurt and ticked off Mikill.


	5. LET IT (no)

Meanwhile, in the Arctic Fox Clan, a Guard was doing a perimeter check. This guard, named T'Kali, was rather slender, but he had some muscle to his physique. He wore the traditional Arctic Fox armor, with the seal of Queen Glæcia, their ruler.

For transportation, T'Kali rode on an elderly moose named Bjorn. T'kali looked around; there was

nothing but a barren landscape filled with snow. And, there was also a blizzard that night, so he

REALLY couldn't see where he was going. Since nothing was outside and poor Bjorn was practically dead with cold, he decided to report to Glæcia that no intruders had invaded the land.

\--

\--

The Royal Palace of Empress Glæcia the First, Last and Only, was

composed entirely of ice, monolith ceilings, hallways and all.

This did not require a skilled artisan to create, no. The Empress

created every nook and cranny herself. She did this only by

one purpose, and that was by her own hand. Glæcia was very

much into sorcery, and she somehow became permanently

cursed with cryogenic powers.

Anywhere she touched,

materialized into ice. She could also freeze anything or anyone (I know, it

sounds like the princess of an annoying, recent Disney flick).

Very few materials that weren't ice were also within the kingdom, and they did not cause the iced structure to melt one bit. T'Kali entered the room, and bowed in respect for the Empress. And,

because he didn't wanna be mauled by the two Yeti guards that protected the Arctic Fox!!

"...M'Lady Glæcia. I have returned to notify you that no intruders have crossed our borders."

"Like, Very well..." Said Glæcia. "You're, like, dismissed."

T'Kali bowed his head, and left the Empress in her throne room.

"Uh...I am, like sooooo bored." Then, Glæcia looked up in astonishment.

With a snap of her fingers, the blizzard outside stopped instantly. Glæcia kinda chuckled to herself. She snapped her fingers again, and the blizzard came on. She snapped them, the blizzard went off yet again.

Eighteen times she did this, until bursting into a boisterous, loud, laughing fit.

"AHAHAAAAAAAAA...H!!!!!" She exclaimed. "Oh, like, that so cracks me up!"

As the slightly immature monarch

continued laughing, a small polar bear walked in. She looked around, yet no one had seen her.

"M-Miss Glæcia?"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH...uhhhhhhhhhhhhh.." Glæcia noticed the youngster.

"Hey, kid, c'mere! I gotta, like show ya somethin'! It's a real humdinger, I swear."

The little polar bear reluctantly stepped forward, the reason for why she'd come still on her mind. Glæcia then pulled her up onto her high, wide throne, and sat the cub next to her. Glæcia, yet again, snapped her fingers constantly until the little cub couldn't contain herself.

"S-Say, Kid." Said Glæcia. "Where'd you come from, like, anyway?"

"My name is Elskan, I'm...a child of one of the Polar Bear Tribe. Morð told me to tell you if you'd seen his daughter, ma'am."

Glæcia's eyelid twitched slightly.

"Like, isn't she with Morð?"

"No, Ma'am." Said Elskan. "Apparently, he says she got beaten up upon releasing a slave, and now she's going after it to defend her honor. I dunno if she's coming back, but...yeah, that's all I gotta say."

Glæcia was speechless.

"WELL, LIKE, C'MON, KID! We formed an alliance with those bears eons ago and I'm not gonna overdo that promise!" Glæcia grabbed the child and ran down the halls to find her messenger. When she finally reached the room, she gave a loud holler.

"D'JALI!!"

A Snowy Owl with spectacles turned around to see the Empress, holding a slightly confused polar bear cub in one hand, her mascara running.

"Yes, M'lady?" Asked D'jali.

"Like, by the order of Me, I command you to take a letter

to the leaders of every tribe and clan!"

"Which ones?" He asked.

"YOU KNOW! Like, The Yaks, The Seals, The Walruses, The Albatrosses, The Skuas, The Hares, The Wolves, The Snow Leopards,

The Lemmings, EVERYONE!! Except the Slaves.."

D'jali poked out one of his feathers, and dipped it in ink. He scribbled as she spoke;

"To Whom it May Concern,

All males from all tribes must take

part in a search for Princess Mikill the First, Daughter of Morð, and eventual Queen of the Polar Bear Tribe. (Food and shelter will be provided by the Arctic Fox Clan)

The search will take place in the

east end of the Uncharted Forest, then travel around the north and

south ends, eventually ending in the western corner. Should the child

not be found, we

will search until

we die.

Thanks,

Empress Glæcia the First, Last, and Only."

"NOW GO!" Yelled Glæcia as she flung the bird out the window. "MÜT! KNÜT!" The Empress called to her Yeti Guards.They turned around. "LIKE, PREPARE MY CARAVAN BEFORE I FREEZE

YOUR UNSANITARY, MANGY HIDES

INTO ICE CUBES!! THAT'S AN ORDER!!"

The yetis obeyed. She ran to the loading dock with Elskan.

The caravan of Glæcia was huge, and composed of hard-to-melt ice (you could light a fire, and it wouldn't burn out for months!), with a few blankets for extra warmth.

Pulling the caravan was about eight-hundred enchanted albatrosses.

"Like, Don't worry, kid, you're coming with me." Glæcia said, calmly. The Empress then looked back at her two buffoons. "LIKE, GET HER SOMETHING WARM AND A FEW TONS OF SALMON!!"

One yeti held Elskan in his hand, and wrapped her in a yak fur blanket. Another placed

twenty clay jars of salmon purée in the caravan as well.

"Let's, like, Ride!" Yelled Glæcia.

She cracked the reins, and the albatrosses flew into the skies.


	6. Hunting

Meanwhile, in another part of the

Uncharted Forest altogether, Mikill was still tracking Lai.

"Stupid..(she sniffed the air) Reindeer's gotta be...(she sniffed yet again) somewhere around here..."

Mikill looked, and saw a few reindeer tracks on the snow in front of her. She sniffed them.

"Lai." Said Mikill. "She's been here!" Mikill continued to smell the tracks, until, strangely, they ended.

"That's odd." Said she, "Why do they end he-?"

"...NOW!!"

Suddenly, five long vines strangled Mikill; two on her front and hind legs, one on her mouth. She was yanked up miles into the trees, and up there, she was abruptly greeted by five...reindeer?! Four reindeer were males; Mikill noted, by the muscles, war paint, and the spears they were holding.

"What is the meaning of this?!" Mikill yelled. "Hello, Prissy! How ya doin'?" Said a familiar voice.

"YOU!!" Exclaimed Mikill.

Lai came out in her armor, which namely consisted of a "helmet", the skull of a great, horned animal.

"I WILL HAVE YOU EXECUTED, SAVA-"

"Yeah, yeah..." Lai stuffed something in the Princess's mouth.

"Take her to the Clan; and don't listen to whatever she says."


	7. The Reindeer Clan

"Hello, Hello,

Hello, how low?

Hello, Hello,

hello, how

low?"

As the strongest of the Clan practically flew Mikill to the Pit of No Return, the reindeer chanted

the strangest thing Mikill had ever heard.

"Here we are now, Entertain us!"

"I feel stupid, and contagious!"

Mikill was then tossed at the foot of the enormous, lava filled Pit of No Return.

Lai, wearing the traditional reindeer dress (loincloth, bra, war paint, feathers tied to her antlers) stepped out, and proudly stared at her

"Mistress."

"Announcing; The Great and Honorable Leiðtogi The Brave and Glorious IV." She said to the citizens.

All the citizens cheered as Leiðtogi, the Chief of the tribe entered from behind a curtain.

He was a muscle-bound, black furred reindeer, and he wore a large, forest-green, fur-trimmed cape with crystals sewn into geometric patterns. Leiðtogi also wore gold mascara around his eyes in spiraling shapes; which (despite how feminine it sounds) was a tradition for the thousands of Reindeer kings. But the most prominent feature on the mighty stag, was his enormous, spiraling 12-point antlers. His antlers had been painted gold, and had icy crystals wrapped around them with black string.

"MY PEOPLE!!" Yelled Leiðtogi.

"After today, here ends the law of slavery!"

The people cheered.

"After today, here ends the reign of the Polar Bear, and the Reindeer shall rise as the rulers of the Arctic!!" The people cheered yet again. "ALSO, NO LONGER WILL WE BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE

FOOD CHAIN!!"

That made the people of Leiðtogi rejoice at the very spoken words. "NOW;" he said, looking over the masses of his tribe, "LET US BEGIN THE CEREMONY!!!"

"NO!!" Yelled Mikill as The Clan cheered.

The Clan carried her to the hook above the lava and removed the

binding on her mouth.

"AND, NOT ONLY WILL WE

SACRIFICE THIS HEATHEN BEAR, BUT WE WILL ALSO DISCOVER OUR PROPHESIZED GREAT ONE!"

The reindeer cheered even more; for the Great One was basically the Moses of the Reindeer Tribe, the one that would free them from their

nine-hundred years of bondage.

In order to discover who was the Great One, Leiðtogi had a small piece of enchanted crystal that had been handed down from 10,000 generations of Reindeer Chieftains, that would turn a dark shade of blue when it sensed the Great One. The closer the Great One was to the crystal, the darker the blue crystal would turn.

"Here we are now, entertain us!"

"I feel stupid! And

contagious!"

Ka, the son of Leiðtogi raised the Sacrificial Blade at the ropes which

tied Mikill over a pool of lava, and

waited for the signal.

The Reindeer chanted and cheered, Mikill growing sweatier and frightened by the second. A scantily-clad female reindeer stood by Ka, ready to give the signal.

Just as she was about to do so, a

loud "rrrRRAAAAWrgh!!!!" Rippled through the atmosphere.

The sacrifice was halted as all Reindeer stood in silence.


	8. Leopard Attack!

SNOW LEOPARDS!!" The chief exclaimed. All warriors stand

firm!! Children, go to the shelter!! WE WILL NEVER BE ENSLAVED AGAIN!!!"

As the children fled to the shelter, both Male and Female reindeer stood next to their chief and proceeded to fight the invading wildcats. Lai quickly cut Mikill's ropes and they both ran to the side.

"Whatever you do, don't stare." Said Lai.

"I don't do that in the first place!!" Exclaimed Mikill.

"NO! I MEAN, REALLY!"

"WHY?!"

Just then, an embarrassingly fat leopard appeared in front of them.

Mikill could not stop staring.

"...They...They always fight butt-

naked."

"AW! EW! GROSS!!" Exclaimed Mikill as she stared at the enormously obese cat's unmentionables

(Thankfully, they were somewhat

concealed by its fat folds).

"...you're coming home, young lady!" Exclaimed the leopard as he tried to grab Mikill. Lai kicked the leopard in the face, and whispered "run!" to Mikill.

Mikill ran and ran until she reached a small ice cave. She hid in it, and from the interior watched slender Lai battle the fat predator. The leopard attempted to scar Lai with its so-called "catlike" reflexes, but Lai was too quick for the fatty, and she bucked a few teeth out of his skull.

\--

\--

Meanwhile, Glæcia and Elskan were still trying to find Mikill. They flew over mountains at rapid speed, until Elskan thought she saw Mikill.

"If ya look reaalllly really hard, I think that's her right there on that moutai--no, wait, that's a snow leopard."

"Like, HOW CAN YA SEE ANYTHING IN THIS, LIKE, SNOW!!! POLAR BEARS ARE WHITE!!" Glæcia yelled.

"I told you we should've asked for directions, but noooooo!" Exclaimed Elskan. "YOU, wanted a soda."

"Hey..." Said Glæcia as she placed the bottle of seven-up in the cup holders of the carriage. "Like, Those salmon jars are almost out, so I gotta keep my strength up if, like, YOU TRY TO ROAST ME ON A

SPIT!!"

\--

\--

Lai ice-skated gracefully across a frozen pond, avoiding the scratches and chomps of the leopard.

"I...(pant, pant,) I WILL EAT YOU!!" Exclaimed the ticked off leopard.

"Why would you do that in the first place?" Said Lai. "I would just become part of your fat!!!"

That really did it for him.

"What's a matta, big kitty?!" Shouted Lai. "Are you this slow cause your butt is too heavy?!"

The enormously obese leopard gave a loud snarl and jumped with all the grace of a beached whale at Lai. However, Lai quickly kicked the

enormous cat to its feet, directly in an ice hole. It tried to move out, but it was too large.

"HAHAAA!!!!!! GUESS YA DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD 'DIET', DO YA GARFIELD?!"

The leopard gave a loud roar in annoyance.

"Does the kitty want a deer?!" She stepped on his paw, cracking the bones. "D'awwwww!!! WELL YA AIN'T GETTIN' ONE, SUCKA!!"

Lai brushed some ice with her hooves at his face and bounded away. "RE-TREEEEEEAAAAAATT!!!" Exclaimed a leopard. The leopards followed until there were no more.

"WOOOOOO!!!!" Exclaimed Lai and Mikill.

"In yo' face ya flea bags!!" Exclaimed Mikill.

"This is no time to celebrate," said Leiðtogi. "We haven't been attacked by predators in thousands of years...they could return."

"What will we do now, Leiðtogi?" Exclaimed a reindeer.

Leið quickly became insecure

when his people crowded him,

bombarding him with questions. Just as he was about to go through one of his stress attacks...

"I HAVE A SOLUTION!!" Exclaimed Ka.

"And what might that be?" Leiðtogi asked his son.

"...why, We must find the Great

One!"

"O-ho-ho, Ka...my little prince, my

little heir, the time is not right! It's

been over nine-hundred years since the Leopards or any other predator attacked, the gods have truly blessed us!"

"The time is now, my father!" Exclaimed Ka. "The Bears are probably searching for that heathen princess, and we will be the ones to blame. If we do not find our chosen one, we will surely die from worser attacks than the leopards!!"

"He is correct, you know..." said Mara, Leiðtogi's wife. "Do not fret or worry—if you remember, our boy is intelligent, and quite skilled in combat and the art of sorcery." She giggled. "Besides, he loves his people, just like you."

Leiðtogi looked around. This situation somewhat reminded him of when his father told him he'd rule the tribe one day. And now, his son would take the position. His own child...that made the tough, muscular Reindeer feel a jolt of proudness for his only son.

"LIKE MY BOY SAID," exclaimed Leiðtogi. "THE TIME IS NOW!!

BRING OUT THE CRYSTAL!!"

The tribe rejoiced, for the closer they were to bringing out the crystal, the closer they were to

freedom.

Ka opened the sacred box where the crystal had been kept for eons, and raised it to the sun. The tribe eagerly waited, until the white crystal was now a baby-blue. Then, it turned light blue, sky blue, royal blue, navy blue, sea foam blue, blueberry, brilliant turquoise, sapphire, electric blue, sparkly blue, and finally, a deep bluish-purple. The crystal appeared to have an incredibly powerful attraction to whomever was the Great One, as it dragged Ka halfway across the camp. Eventually, it reached the Great One, and glowed as dark blue as the night sky. However, the tribe gasped in absolute surprise, as the Great One was not a Reindeer or any other kind of prey animal...

It was Mikill!

The Reindeer tribe was hesitant, yet they all bowed in respect; young and old.

"O-Kay..." Said Mikill. "...What's happening?"

"My child.." Said Leiðtogi. He placed a hoof around Mikill. "It is imperative we put aside our differences for what we must do next...As the Great One, you must perform a grand gesture to free us all, and that is to convince the strongest of all the tribes to outlaw slavery, as they have the upper hoof. You have already battled the Snow Leopards, but now you will battle many others, ending with the entire Polar Bear tribe. If you prove to be strong and win, they will permanently outlaw Reindeer slavery. Should you fail, the gods predict a series of wrong things occurring to us. So do well."

The Reindeer cheered. Mikill and Lai started thinking of what they had gotten themselves into.

They had never been on any

adventure like this; like the stories about heroes that had to save the

world and complete tasks. Never, would any one of them have to do this, not to mention two completely different animals working together throughout the course of the journey. Mikill and Lai reluctantly looked back at first, then they looked at each other and left.


	9. Luck Be A Lemming Tonight

An hour or so after they'd left the Reindeer tribe camp, Mikill and Lai found themselves in a clearing. It was incredibly quiet.

"Where the heck are we?" Asked

Mikill.

"Don't ask me--you're the Chosen

One." Replied Lai. "I, am but a humble slave."

"No, no..." Said Mikill. "Not all of you are like that."

Lai stopped Mikill.

"What do you mean, 'all of you'?" She asked.

"N-nothing!" Replied Mikill.

"...racist.." Lai snorted.

Just then, a swarm of something zoomed by and grabbed Lai. Mikill

ran after it, until thousands were on her, like a swarm of bees. Upon closer inspection, these were not bees, but thousands upon

thousands of lemmings!

"What was I so worried about?" Said Mikill. "They're so cute!"

"WHO YOU CALLIN' CUTE?!!" Yelled an ironically deep-voiced lemming. It was the king of the lemmings. He wore a loincloth, with other bits of teeny tiny armor. "I, AM ATKA!! DEMIGOD SON OF THE GREAT, HIGHLY EXALTED GOD LE'MM-AY!!! AND NOW WE'RE GONNA KILL YA!!"

The Lemmings tied Lai and Mikill in vines. Atka jumped on Lai's chest, and pulled out a knife to kill her. Lai bucked and Mikill growled, but their struggle was of no avail. As Atka held a knife at Lai's neck, Mikill thought, then smiled.

"HEY!" Exclaimed Mikill. "Is that a cliff I see?!"

Atka put down the knife. The lemmings looked in her direction, and lo, there was a cliff.

They twitched their eyes, for it was common logic that the Lemming

couldn't resist leaping off a cliff. A few tried going back to their original purpose of capturing Mikill, but it was too tempting to resist.

"AH, BUT BROTHERS!" Said Atka. "SHE IS RIGHT!! WE HAVE FORGOTTEN TO DO OUR RITUAL TO THE GREAT, HIGHLY EXALTED GOD LE'MM-AY!!! COME BRETHREN, WE LEAP!!"

Atka's people all began crowding each other at the foot of the cliff, chanting the traditional worship song;

"Rah-Ra-a-a-a-

ah, roma, ro-ma-

ma, ga ga, ooh la

la-ah!"

"...Want your bad romance!" Added a lemming child.

"Rah-Ra-a-a-a-

ah, roma, ro-ma-

ma, ga ga, ooh la

la-ah!"

One by one--or rather in a jumbled mess, they all jumped off the cliff.

They didn't say anything after that, because both polar bear and reindeer thought they'd died. Just as Lai started to walk away...

"...Want your bad romance!" Said the child once more.

Lai and Mikill looked down, looked at each other and shrugged.

"That was easy." Said Lai. "Not bad for a prissy polar."


	10. Terror beneath the ice

Lai and Mikill reached an enormous, frozen lake. They looked across, the lake appeared to be going for miles.

"Well," said Lai. "Looks like we're gonna do some skating!"

She and Mikill gracefully skated

across the ice. Unbeknownst to them, someone was watching.

"YAAAAA!!" Mikill screamed.

A leopard seal head burst out of the water. The seal had a scraggly, black beard tied with seaweed and

wore a crown and a cape weaved from kelp.

"King Riptyde..." Panted a very frightened Mikill. "This is his tribe's lake..."

More leopard seals emerged. They broke the ice around Mikill and Lai until it was a complete circle, and they started to tip it over. Mikill and Lai held onto the ice. Suddenly, Mikill had an idea and quickly punched a hole in the ice.

"Lai," said Mikill. "Question: can you swim?"

"YEAH OF COURSE I--" She was cut short as Mikill grabbed her and pulled her into the freezing water.

Mikill found it rather difficult to swim due to all her fur, but Lai pushed her wherever she gestured to go. A really fat leopard seal opened its jaws and tried to bite Lai, Mikill bit into him, and threw him to the side.

Just then, King Riptyde emerged

from some ice and bit Milkill. She growled in pain, her blood making little ripples in the water.

"You're coming with me..." He said.

Lai saw this and had an idea. She swam over to a large bit of ice that was directly above Riptyde. She started kicking hard at the ice, the frozen water chipping a little. Lai continued to kick and kick at the ice, until a loud rumbling was heard. Lai pushed Mikill out of the way. King Riptyde looked up in horror as lots of ice started to fall. King Riptyde was trapped under 9,000 pounds of ice. This just made the leopard seals angrier, however,

and they continued to fight Mikill and Lai.

\--

——--

"OH! EM! GEE!!" Exclaimed Glæcia. "LIKE, THAT'S HER, YEAH?!"

"I think so..." Said Elskan. "But what's she doing underwater?"

"Like, I dunno." Said Glæcia.

\--

\--

Eventually, the leopard seals ran onto the shore. They started flopping and barking towards the nearest lake, until they could not

be seen anymore. Lai dove into the water and grabbed a drowning Mikill. She carried her to the shore and pressed her thick, furry chest with her hooves.

Mikill coughed and started coming to. She looked around.

"I'm glad that's over." Said Mikill, her and Lai both soaking wet. She wildly shook her fur, it puffed out a

lot.

Just then, a loud "HOOOOWWWWLLLLLLLL!!!" Was heard.

"...I could be wrong..." Said Mikill.

Four or five wolves ran down a tall cliff. When they reached Mikill and Lai, they ran in a circle around them. They snarled, and

growled, making sure Mikill and Lai did not fight back. Mikill took down a wolf, but another five took its place and started beating her up as

well! The wolves threw Mikill to the ground, Lai coming to her aid.

"Did I get em?" Said an unconscious Mikill. "...I got em' didn't I?"

"You tell me." Said Lai.

Just then, the wolves started adding more volume to the

circle. Then, they separated, forming a pathway for something.

"Oh snap." Said Lai.

Directly in front of the duo, a tall, extremely manly Viking wolf walked towards the bear and reindeer. He had a thick mustache and carried two axes. But the thing that really stuck out, was the skirt he was wearing.

"...damn..." Said Lai. "There's somethin' ya don't see everyday."


	11. Dude looks like a lady

"I, am Lord Wülfshmun the Mighty..." Said the wolf. "Protector of the Wolf Empire, Hero of the Battle-Of-Canis-Lupus upon Artemis, Father of IIana and Wülfshmun the Mighty II, husband

of Valhalla, and Son, Of Na'llimkun and Odin..."

"...d'you have to say all that to everybody you meet?" Asked Lai.

"Yes." Said Wülfshmun. "For Wülfshmun the mighty is Supreme Canis Major of his clan, and all, young and old shall know of his deeds and heroism."

Wülfshmun's associated raised their axes, knives, swords, maces, and other weapons at Mikill and Lai. Lai moved when a sword was pointed at her face to the side.

"...Any last words before you perish, sub-creatures?" Asked Wülfshmun.

"Why, yes!!" Said Lai.

The wolves listened intently.

"...Why're you wearing a skirt?"

"WHAT." Said Wülfshmun.

"And, are you wearing underpants under that skirt?"

Wülfshmun growled, saliva dripping from his teeth like a bloodied sword.

Before the great wolf could move a

single muscle, Mikill gave him a

nice, hard kick in the groin that

shattered his pelvis bones.

"Learned that from my ma." She said.

Wülfshmun looked down at his bleeding, aching unmentionables, and his face turned bright red. The other wolves, Mikill, and Lai kinda snickered a little, as he was doing a

remarkable impression of a woman

menstruating.

"BRING OUT YOUR TAMPONS!!" Yelled Lai.

With the intense pain and embarrassment, Wülfshmun screamed a perfect E flat like the prima donna of an opera. When he was done, he crawled towards the bear and reindeer, mascara tears dripping down his face.

"How come you're wearing mascara...you sure you're not a woman??" Said Mikill.

"Ooh! Good one!" Said Lai.

Wülfshmun quickly ripped a piece of cloth from his "skirt" and placed it over his genitals.

"HOW DARE YOU ONCE AGAIN EMBARRASS ME, LORD WÜLFSHMUN, THE MIGHTY WOLF VIKING!!" He said in a very womanly falsetto.

Wülfshmun covered his mouth with his paws. Everyone simply could not take it, they all broke down laughing. Wülfshmun simply ran from both bear and reindeer. That night, Mikill and Lai slept inside a cavern, and had a great laugh from experiencing the Wolf Lord

embarrass himself.


	12. Turning Hare-anese

The Valley of Usagi was absolutely stunning. Houses were polished marble, built with jade roofing. Bonsai and cherry trees grew

all around.

"Say," said Lai. "I dunno about you but I'm kinda hungry."

"Same." Said Mikill. "I got a few silver pieces--you wanna go to that market?"

"Sure." Said Lai.

Lai and Mikill walked down a large mountain, until they reached a brick road connecting to the marketplace. When they arrived, Hares shopping in the marketplace moved back slightly. Some covered their children's' eyes. This was mostly because a polar bear and a reindeer walking together was very taboo, not to mention the fact that neither species was permitted in the Valley in the first place!

"Looks like a good place." Said Mikill as they stopped at a tiny restaurant.

Within the establishment, hares stared at the newcomers. A baby started crying, someone fainted, someone spat out a bowl of noodles, and a woman screamed.

Mikill raised an eyebrow.

"Ignore them..." Said Lai. "The hares are the kinds of people that see somethin' new, and they're scared of it."

They sat down. A little hare wearing a green and gold kimono walked in front of them. He was clearly terrified of Mikill, as his beady eyes looked down then back at her repeatedly, and he clutched a notebook and held an ink pen with ink stone.

"H-Hello..." Piped the tiny hare. "M-My n-n-name is Jiro B-Bunimoto a-and w-welcome to the 'Lotus Blossom vegetarian diner', h-h-h-how--mayIbeofservice! Eep!!"

"Yeah..." Said Lai, overlooking a menu. "I'll take the green tea and

kimchi with a side of carrot sushi and kung-pao bok choy."

"A-a-and what about y-y-you?" He asked Mikill.

"Uhh..." She looked at the menu. Mikill's polar bear nose picked up

something very delicious. On a small display, a bowl of vegetable-filled balls of dough looked relatively delicious to Mikill.

"I'll take whatever that is!" She proudly exclaimed.

"O-Oh.. This?" Jiro grabbed the bowl and placed one on a plate in front of Mikill. "I-It is c-c-c-called a dumpling, p-please d-d-don't kill me or my wife..." Jiro stuttered.

Mikill stuck a claw into a dumpling, and devoured it.

Jiro was paranoid.

"...OR MY 300 KIDS!!" He yelled.Jiro fainted.

"Sheesh." Said Mikill, chewing about ten dumplings. "What's up with him?"

"Just keep eating." Said Lai. Her food arrived.

Lai and Mikill were glad to have finally gotten some decent food after traveling for so long. They left the restaurant, making their way towards the Palace of the Empress.

Unbeknownst to the bear and deer,

they were being watched. Three long-eared ninjas were perched in a cherry tree, staring down at the newcomers.

"Alert the Empress..." Said the first ninja. "We have found them."

The second and third ninja jumped

off the branch. They started running on rooftops, until arriving at the palace.

\--

\--

"WOOOOOOAAAHH!!!" Exclaimed Lai. "THIS JOINT IS HUUUUGE!!"

"Yeah!" Said Mikill. "I recall during my princess training that it was constructed from the finest jade, gold, marble, wood, and other materials in the Tùbāgē Dynasty during the year 16. Hey, did you know the Hares are the oldest civilization?"

Just then, the ninjas watching our heroes from earlier emerged. One of them picked up a mallet, and banged an enormous, red and gold colored gong.

"BOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGG!!!"*

A male hare wearing a blue outfit and cap entered, carrying a throne on a stick, followed by two hares in matching pink cheongsams. Mikill and Lai looked to see that a beautiful female hare was at the top of the throne. She wore a golden

kimono with dragon designs, and a pure white obi. Her face was

completely pale with raven-black eyelashes, pink blush and bright red lip coloring. Her hair was put up

in a set of hair chopsticks, along

with her ears, and she wore an

intricately shaped crown.

"...oh my gosh!" Whispered Mikill. "...that's Empress Kim Li Jei the IV!!"

"Well." Said the Empress in her Hare-anese accent. "If it isn't the little lost princess and her friend...er, slave..."

Kim Li Jei got off her throne and walked down the stairs her servants

formed. She wrinkled her pink nose and whiskers, clearly disgusted, and looked at Mikill and Lai, who dwarfed her in height.

"Bow to me." She commanded.

Mikill and Lai did so.

"Now..." Said Kim Li Jei. She walked in between Mikill and Lai like a drill sergeant. "There is a prophesy amongst the slave camp...a prophesy of a savior, a Messiah that will free them from slavery. You, polar bear, have visited that camp, and the Exalted Usagi we worship claims that YOU, are this chosen one..."

The Empress pulled out a katana and positioned it at Mikill's neck.

"...is this true?"

"Um..." Mikill started.

"ANSWER ME!!" Exclaimed the Empress.

"...y-y-y-yes?" Mikill squeaked.

The Empress was about to speak when Lai loudly interrupted, looking at an incredibly expensive set of the Empress's jewelry.

"Well, she's the Chosen One!" Said Lai. "She's gonna defeat you, and I'm gonna be free. What're you gonna do about it, short stack!!?"

Kim Li Jei's eyebrows knitted. She snapped her hair chopstick in half.

"THAT IS IT!!" Exclaimed the tiny monarch. "MEI!! LEI!! SAO-XI!!!"

The ninjas removed their black clothing, revealing three female hares in geisha-like outfits. Mei was the eldest, she wore a turquoise cheongsam, Lei was the middle child, slightly taller than Mei, she wore a purple and white kimono, and Sao-Xi was the youngest (also the heaviest), and she wore a blue and gold kimono.

"These are my personal kunoichi." Said the Empress. "NOW FIGHT!!" She commanded her ninjas.

For weapons, Mei had a katana, Lei had sais, and Sao-xi had a mace.

"HAAAAAAiiii-YA!" Mei swung her katana at Mikill, removing some of her fur.

Sao-Xi jumped on Lai's back, slightly overwhelming the slender reindeer with her weight. Lei started to poke Lai with her sais, but Lai dodged every blow. Lai flung Sao-

Xi onto the Empress.

"GET OFF OF ME!!" Exclaimed the Empress, pushing the chunkier hare off herself. Mikill and Lai were struggling to keep up with the ninjas' fighting skills, which mainly consisted of kicks and punches.

Pretty soon, after getting beaten up quite a bit, Mikill and Lai were

starting to get their tactics. Mikill grabbed a staff, and knocked out the little hares. They knew they were going to be defeated by these newcomers, but Mei had an idea.

She whispered to her sisters.

"You are going to immensely regret what Mei will do next..." Said Lei.

Mei inhaled some air. All the hares covered their ears.

"SHIIIIIIIIBŌ-SAAAANNN!!!!" Yelled Mei.

The ornate tiles on the room floor rumbled wildly, so did the dragon chandelier, the spiritual candles and even a bottle of saki. Mikill and Lai looked up in horror to see an enormous rabbit, which was Shibō. Shibō was, well—something else, to say the least. To say that he was

on the heavier side was quite the understatement, HE, was on the 9,000 ton weight/elephant/cruise ship/planet-side, just teetering on morbidly obese.

"That's your protection?!" Exclaimed Lai. "HE'S A TOTAL FATSO!!"

"Do not say that!" Exclaimed Sao-Xi.

"Shibō is the finest sumo wrestler in all of Usagi Valley. During the off-season, he is the personal bodyguard of the Empress..." Said

Lei.

The incredibly obese hare growled. He squatted, and lifted up one leg, then the other, creating a rhythmic

booming. Mikill looked, there was a

large dragon chandelier above him! She whispered a plan to Lai.

"You distract him." She said. "I'll cut the chandelier."

"Got it!" Said Lai.

Lai ran towards the hare, and gut-checked him with her hind hooves. Problem was, Shibō was so obese that Lai sank into his fat! Lai moved throughout the hare's fat, until

she emerged. Just in time; the dragon chandelier came crashing down onto Shibō. Mikill looked down and smiled.

"Shibō is defeated!!" Exclaimed Mei.

The Empress bowed in front of Mikill and Lai. She adjusted her crown, clearly frightened.

"Please!" Exclaimed the Empress. "I forgive you! You have my blessing--I will give you anything you want! Just ask!!" Mikill looked at Lai, who was eyeing the Empress's jewelry collection.

"Actually," said Lai,

hoof to her chin, "There is one thing..."

\--

\--

"SAH-WEET!!!..." Said Lai.

As the two left Usagi Valley, Lai was admiring the various jewelry the Empress had given as a peace offering. But Mikill was still nervous about facing her father.

"Lai..." She said. "What if he doesn't let you and your people free? What if he doesn't take me seriously because I'm a woman?"

"Hey..." Said Lai. "You worry too much. We started this together and that's how we're gonna finish it...ooh! Is that lapis lazuli?" Lai stared back at an impressive crown.

Mikill sighed. But Lai was right. It was great to now have a friend she could depend on--even if both their

tribes were mortal

enemies.


	13. Battle Bears

The sun rose over the Polar Bear tribe's camp in the Uncharted Forest. Icicles melted, some grass was starting to peek through the snow. Even though this was a lovely day, the greatest battle in the history of the world was about to take place...

Axes and claws were sharpened. Swords were shined. Helmets

and shields were buffed. The fur of the polar bear army was brushed to a nice, glossy texture. The teeth of the polar bear army was sharpened and brushed. The claws were made sharp enough to slice steel.

The polar bear army and the reindeer tribe gathered near a valley. On one end, was the polar bear army, on the other end, was the reindeer tribe. Morð emerged from the midst of the polar bear army. Leiðtogi emerged from the

other end. Both males walked, until they stood side by side, face to face.

"Prepare to be slain..." Said Morð.

"Likewise..." Said Leiðtogi.

They walked back to their sides of the valley. From a distance, a polar

bear and a reindeer blew horns. The polar bears grabbed their swords and axes. The reindeer

grabbed their spears and tomahawks.

"ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CCCKKKKK!!!!!!!!" Yelled both polar

bear and reindeer.

Both tribes descended down their respective sides of the valley.

Reindeer clashed with bears, bears clashed with reindeer.

\--

\--

Meanwhile, high above, Glæcia and Elskan were still trying to find Mikill.

"Like, O-EM-GEE!!" Exclaimed Glæcia. "She was, like, right here all along!"

Elskan looked down. Sure enough, Mikill and Lai were running down the valley. They grabbed the weapons of a dead polar bear and reindeer, and joined the fight.

"No..." Said Elskan.

The flying carriage dropped down and parked. Glæcia and Elskan sat down to watch the battle.

\--

\--

Amidst the dying soldiers of both

armies, Morð and Leiðtogi were battling and trying to kill one another. Morð swung his sword, Leiðtogi missed it. Leiðtogi threw one of his tomahawks, and it hit Morð. Morð grabbed Leiðtogi by his neck, and placed his sword to his neck. Just as he was about to kill the reindeer tribe's chieftain, Mikill and Lai came down the valley, screaming a war-cry.

"The Chosen One!" Squeaked Leiðtogi. "Thank heaven you've come!"

Mikill swung her axe at Morð, and

sent him into the ground. Leiðtogi fell to the ground, trying to get away, despite the fact he was wounded.

"Mikill..." Sighed Morð, gasping at the sight of his daughter whom he hadn't seen. "What in the name of the gods are you doing?!!"

"I, am the Chosen One..." Mikill proudly declared.

Morð thought a bit. He started laughing.

"That old reindeer myth?!!" He exclaimed. "Preposterous! You are not a slave, nor are you fit to be the Chosen One if, it was REAL!!"

"Oh, it is real, big daddy!" Said Lai.

"SILENCE!!" Morð tossed an axe, Lai dodging it.

"...You know what they are..." Said Morð to Milkill. "They are SLAVES, and they will always be uncivilized, savage, heathen slaves...and you will always be someone not listened to..."

"...THESE ARE LIES!!" Roared

Mikill in her father's face. "We don't need to enslave them!! And we don't need to straight up reject

women and fight all the time, cause if we do that all the time, DOESN'T THAT MAKE US SAVAGE, UNCIVILIZED HEATHENS AS WELL?!!"

Everyone stopped and thought. For thousands of years they'd followed the same ways of their elders. They put down their weapons and gathered around Morð. When it seemed all would go well, and the polar bear tribe would be at peace with the reindeer, Morð growled, creating an avalanche somewhere. He lifted up the black, muscular reindeer and threw him to the ground with his enormous, strong paws.

"I...MORÐ, WILL NOT TAKE ADVICE..." He grabbed his axe and held it high. "...FROM A WEAK, LITTLE, W O M A N ! ! !" Morð chopped Leiðtogi's guts out, the snow and ice stained bright pink from the amount of blood. Ka broke down into tears, Mara tried to hold him back, but he broke away.

"NOOO!!!!" Exclaimed Ka. He ran to the aid of his father.

"Ka..." Said Leiðtogi, coughing up a few bits of blood. He looked up at his son. "Tell your mother I love her..."

Leiðtogi died. Ka ran back and grabbed his spear, ready to kill.

"HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO MY FATHER!!!" He yelled.

Ka lunged at the bear. Morð braced for attack. Then, he felt a loud kick on his groin.

It was Mikill.

She lifted up the bear, and flung him to the ground. Next, she gave him a few scratches and punches to his face, she even knocked out a bit of his teeth! Finally, Mikill broke her father's back, immobilizing him. Ka jumped on Morð's back. Lai followed.

"Look at me..." Said Ka. "LOOK AT ME!! I AM YOUR BROTHER, FURRED AND WARM-BLOODED!!!"

"You are a SLAVE." Growled Morð.

"NO!!" Said Ka. "My tribe is not to be prejudiced by appearance, and neither is yours or anyone else's!! My father's blood cries out from the earth to the heavens, along with other innocent souls your people have SO BRUTALLY SLAIN UPON THIS FROZEN WASTELAND WE ALL CALL HOME!!! LOOK INTO MY EYES AND SEE THE PROBLEMS WE HAVE FACES, THE STRUGGLES WE HAVE ENDURED!!! And if you can't see them in your big bloodshot eyes, ye lump of fur, teeth, claws and blubber, I don't know you..."

The bears threw down their weaponry. So did the reindeer. A bit of awkward silence passed, then Morð, eyes caked with blood and pus, spoke;

"Alright."


	14. Epilogue

A few months had passed since Mikill and Lai broke barriers and united both predator and prey tribes. Morð was extremely reluctant at first, and it took the fact he'd been beaten severely by his own daughter, and about ten weeks to change his ideology, but he obeyed in the end. All tribes gathered in the uncharted forest, in the reindeer tribe camp. The Reindeer tribe had lost one of its most noble sons, so the event was mostly a funeral for Leid. But after the burial, the sun shined on a tent. Every single tribe was insanely surprised to see Ka emerge from the tent.

"BEHOLD," said a deep-voiced reindeer. "...CHEIF KA!!"

Lai placed the gold headdress formerly belonging to Leiðtogi on Ka's head, the cape on his neck, and placed a hoof with war paint on his face, making stripes. This signified he was now the Chief.

After the ceremony, a grand celebration was thrown. Every tribe that lived in the Tundra was partying--even the Walruses and Leopard Seals!

"Well..." Said Mikill, looking over the party with Lai. "We did alright."

"See?" Said Lai. "What'd I tell ya?"

"You were right..." Said Mikill. "I'm glad to have a friend by my side."

Mikill and Lai hugged. Meanwhile, Glæcia and T'kali had tied the knot and were expecting a little princess in nine months.

"I was thinking...how about Missti?"

T'Kali asked.

"like THAT'S PERFECT!!" The Arctic Fox queen hugged her husband.

Little did they know, this would be the start of something more malicious when the fetus was born and grew...

For now, it was both a time of sadness and rejoicing, and it would stay that way for quite a while.

So ends the first

part of Tundra...


End file.
